When we’re little, we start learning about our body parts. We even sing songs about them—”Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes,” “The Hokey Pokey,” and others. Very early in life, we physically locate ourselves in the world by naming what’s part of us, and our social environment reinforces this curiosity.

But what about the parts of the mind?  

We might get vague hints that the mind has something like parts. Many of us are exposed to the idea, in one way or another, that the “head” and “heart” can be in conflict. Or we notice that sometimes we think or feel one thing but say or do another. But mostly, we go through life using our mental head, shoulders, knees, and toes… without ever realizing we have them.

Granted, the mind is more complicated and abstract, so educational songwriters have their work cut out for the psychological version of “The Hokey Pokey” (as long as they don’t use ChatGPT). Even so, there’s a real need for clearer ways to understand our inner worlds and to see our mind and self as made up of many parts working together.

There’s a therapy called Internal Family Systems (IFS), which is relevant to this topic. Basically, IFS proposes that our mind is not a single, unified voice, but rather, an internal community or family made up of distinct parts, each with its own role, perspective, and emotions.

Although I accept the central premise of IFS—that the mind has parts—I am not a fan of the verbiage it uses to describe said parts. Therapy, in general, has a relatability problem. A lot of the language we use ends up sounding mystical, overly clinical, or just plain corny. You know, either leaning too far into woo-woo or trying way too hard to sound smart.

So, here’s my attempt to name some of the core parts of the mind hopefully using more straightforward language.

• Vulnerable Self: This part of the mind holds our emotional sensitivities, deepest values and beliefs, unmet needs, fears, insecurities, and significant past memories. I want to make it clear that the Vulnerable Self doesn’t just store “negative” contents, which is often associated with other therapeutic models. Rather, it stores meaningful contents—which can be positive, negative, or a mix of both.
• Defense System: This part of the mind perceives threats (both internal and external) and protects the Vulnerable Self. It includes what are commonly known as our defense mechanisms. The patterns of the Defense System have a natural pull towards what’s emotionally familiar and habitual, not necessarily what’s effective.
• Rational Brain: This part of the mind is knowledgeable, reasonable, and practical. It helps us think critically, make plans, analyze situations, and solve problems. However, it’s susceptible to being hijacked by the Defense System, rationalizing unhelpful patterns under the guise of logic. It’s also prone to frustration when other parts don’t cooperate.
• Wise Self: This part integrates the other parts of the mind into a coherent whole and can guide behavior accordingly. That said, the Wise Self can be limited when other parts dominate or are cut off, which is quite common. In order to function optimally, the Wise Self must have access to the Vulnerable Self, an understanding of the Defense System, and receive input from the Rational Brain. It also requires a calm presence of mind to do its work, which can take a lot of practice to cultivate.

This is by no means an exhaustive list. It’s just a starting point. The goal is to see the mind as a system of interconnected parts. This helps us work with, not against, our inner contradictions. It reduces judgment and opens space to explore the deeper functions of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

And instead of just beating ourselves up for the last dumb thing we did, we can begin asking: What part of me is this serving?